Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Fear Snacking Factor

You remember in January, the divorce was finalized and I was doing too much giddy eating? Well, eventually that giddiness snacking was replaced by fear snacking.

Fear snacking?

Yep.

I kept snacking when full and just couldn't place what was wrong, and I knew something had to be bothering me or why would I be over-eating?

It was fear of what the future held for the kids and I. Fear that vileman will be acquitted. Fear that he will then show-up demanding to see the kids. Fear that his guilty verdict will make this city's paper (they always print vile peoples sentences from around the state in this mid-small newspaper). Fear that I might have to testify at his trial - something I do not want to do because I had nothing to do with his decisions or that lifestyle that he lived behind my back. DO NOT want to be dragged into his ugliness. Fear that when he serves his sentence, he will show up wherever my doorstep will be. Fear I will always be looking over my shoulder for him.

Vileman keeps getting continued by agreements - his trial has now been pushed back to late September. Very aggravating to me because I'm ready to exit this transitional phase.

Quieting the fears without food:

Acquittal is probably highly unlikely.

Should an acquittal happen, he will not be able to just show up - the kids have the backing of counselors who know and will testify that it would not be in the best interest of the children to visit with him.

I will not have to testify because he did all that ugliness when he should have been at work. If it was in the off-hours, it was because he called home and said he had to work late or left his keys at the office or my favorite excuse "I forgot I drove to work and rode the bus home - so I just stayed on the bus and went back downtown."

If I do have to testify, I will be confident and not allow attorneys to frustrate me. I will take my time and think out each question prior to a "yes" or "no" answer.

I will not let "what is going to happen when vileman gets out of jail" paralyze me. The kids and I need to live our lives for today.

Phew.

To counter-act the 10 pounds gained from "snacking", I got on the Crack the Fat-Loss Code diet. Started on Sunday and this morning my weight-loss was at 5 pounds. Woo Hoo!

10 comments:

The Better Idiot said...

I'm going to try the lemon blueberry cake thing again soon in muffin form, to see if that is any more successful. Maybe that would work better as a breakfast?

Evelyn said...

Just take one day at a time and don't let the future dictate your life. There was someone looking out for you then and He's looking out for you now.
Congrats on the weightloss!!! That is great!!!

Vickie said...

I would have a hard time with it hanging over my head too.

The upside to the trial delay is that it delays when he gets out. And it keeps you in this phase where he has NO contact.

Congrats on your loss!!! Helen told me that she worked very hard on week 2 so that it cemented her loss from week 1 and that was a helpful thought for me - hopefully it will be for you too.

Hanlie said...

Woohoo indeed!

Helly said...

The Crack (or as Vickie and I call it "Macro") is a big mood-elevator! Particularly that first week! :-) Congratulations!

I feel for you about 12-year-old...I overheard a "discussion" between a 15-year-old boy and his dad the other night and, when it was over, thanked them both for reminding me why I am happy I skipped kids and went straight to grandkids! ;-)

And, yes, you should send you out to visit me. We can Crack together (you can have martinis after week 3...). ;-)

Helen said...

Oops. sorry, that was me...signed in wrong...

Vickie said...

I had some days that I ate all 6 meals. I think one day I only ate 4. Most days I had 5 - very evenly spaced. don't try to be smarter than the plan and under do! And the addict on your shoulder is likely to be telling you all kinds of things by the end of week one - just ignore it. hang in there.

Laura said...

Hey girl, good to have another Cracker in the group. It's really a great plan & much easier after week 1. Weirdly, the hardest part for me is the carb up days. B/c I can lose my mind a little with the "freedom" of eating carbs. What I need to do is stick to her Rx for carb up days just like the others, but I treat them as food pass days more often than not. But I've found if I get right back to plan the next day, it's all OK. I'm stalled in week 3, but I know it will start back up again. It's an 8 week plan, afterall. & I didn't gain back after week 1. The loss stuck around.

YAY you on your loss!! Keep it up.
Laura N.

sharla*** said...

Hey, if your coming to see Helen, I want in on the fun! (nothing like inviting myself)

Woo Hoo is right! That is a big deal! ( my first thought whemn I read it was actually " Holy Sh!@#" :). I checked her other book out today-going to start when I get home from taking son.

Vickie said...

I think the smartest thing to do with the carb up days is to think about what you REALLY want and then make a plan for the day - written MEAL plan - so that you do not free for all.

I think of it as spending my carb ###'s wisely. Like spending $$$ wisely. No debt!

I also do not let myself eat the same stuff on two different carb up days in the same week so I do not go back into the getting stuck on the same foods thing. And I make sure that I am actually eating FOOD for these carbs days. Feeding my body.

I think it is also important to eat the quality version of what you are hungry for so that you are satisfied with it. so that means planning - so that you have the right stuff in the house.