Tuesday, September 29, 2009

When the walls start to close in . . .

Yesterday morning, after dropping the kids off at school, I had a nagging feeling something wasn't right with two recent emails I had received, one from vileman on Wednesday afternoon and another email from his sister, sent on that same evening. Because his sister sent her email to me at my old life's email address, (which I only check periodically), I didn't get her email until late Sunday night.

As you know, I am going on six months of not communicating with vileman. He sends an email and a certified letter/package every two weeks.

Which I just make copies, file away and ignore.

There is usually a threatening and demanding undertone to his words as in "I will not hesitate to take you to court" or "I demand that you reply to this email and let me know you received . . .." and my favorite bluff "you need to read the divorce decree as you are not complying by it".

His birthday was last Tuesday and I was expecting the email telling me how mean I am for not allowing the kids to send him a card or calling him. (The divorce decree says no contact with the children.)

Instead, his email said he wanted me to know that he sent two extra months of child support to the childsupport distribution center and that I should be on the lookout for it.

No threats, no demands, no calling me "mean".

His sister's email basically said "sorry to bother you but I'm worried sick about vileman because we haven't been able to reach him. He dosen't answer his cell phone or his emails."

Don't worry, he isn't dead . . . not that you would be worried . . .

He lost his job.

And I suspected it on Monday morning. I told my dad my suspicions about him losing his job. Pop disagreed with me and said he wasn't incompetent. So I pointed out the red flags:

#1 - His family was not able to get hold of him on his cell nor was he answering his emails. Vile had a company owned blackberry. If he had been terminated, he would have had to hand it in along with the company's laptop.

#2 - Why would he give extra child support?

Got the answer several hours later, when the mail came. The company he was employed with notified me by letter, that vile was no longer an employee. (They had to notify me because his wages were garnished to pay child support.)

I got a little pleasure out of telling my dad that my gut instinct was RIGHT.

He lost his job on the 18th. So I'm now wondering "why?"

Did the rumor mill finally catch up with him about his indictment? (Vickie, he was indicted last August and has been awaiting trial since then.)

Or did he revert to old habits and the company caught him misusing company property?

Why hasn't he sent a letter himself, telling me he was no longer employed and that the children will be losing their health /dental benefits?

Don't worry, I have kept a high deductible health insurance plan on the kids and myself since June 27th, 2008, so we are covered. Also, I have enough savings (unless something horrible happens) to get us by for almost six months.

Sorry to go on with boring details.

How are the walls closing in on him . . . well, now he doesn't have that high income to continue to pay the criminal lawyer for anything above and beyond what the original fees would cover. I can pretty much guess the days of "continued by agreement" will come to an end.

I also heard through a friend last year, that vileman found that position (director of a department) through someone at his church who recommended him. ***Insert back story****When vile got caught cheating on me in 2001 and I divorced him, he immediately ran to the church and put on a big display of going to Sunday school and joining men's groups. He would do testimonies at other churches about how he strayed and would never do that do his family again, blah blah blah***End of back story***

In the three years we lived in old life's town before I fled with the kids, we never set food in a church.

Guess what vile did after he got out of jail?

That's right. He ran to Sunday school.

What I'm trying to write (very poorly at that) is I bet his church circle has found out . . . and I know I wouldn't want to sit by a ped-o-vile.

And if his church circle has found out, then the roommate that he lives with (another divorced man that he met at church) will find out . . . and so on and so on. Maybe I should have titled this the domino effect.

Basically, his support system will begin to get smaller and smaller.

And that will drive him nuts . . . which will not be good for me or the children.

So we are now on high alert - the kids can't play outside unless someone is with them (me, my mother or father). Instead of leaving the girl at dance class, I will now need to stay at the studio.

I wouldn't turn my back on a snake and he is a slimy, venomous snake.

By the way, that is only the second time someone from his family has tried to contact me since vile's arrest. Remember his mother called on Feb. 15th for the first time asking to speak to "her grandchildren"? His sister never even asked how the kids were doing, it was all about her being worried about her brother.

I find it funny that his family of six siblings and a mom and dad, let vile sit in a jail for 8 days and never bailed him out. I would have been more worried sick about him being in jail as a ped-o-vile and at the mercy of the other inmates, but . . . that family is weird.

Okay, I have now written this shit out and need to go back to concentrating on job hunting. I'm hoping that getting it out here will free it from my mind, at least temporarily.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Perusing the Classifieds

I am . . . for really really really real, looking for employment.


Noticed I said employment and not career.

It's going to be tough. (I know we are supposed to be coming out of the recession but funny how unemployment is way up.)

For fits and giggles, I applied on line for a warehouse packer position at a large store's distribution center. The location was very close to home and they were looking for weekend workers to work three 12 hour days. That would have freed me up for four days of still being a stay-at-home mom and the pay was a lot better than minimum wage. The ad in the paper said would need to be able to lift 30 pounds.

I could do that!

The on-line application asked a lot of questions about different warehouse equipment and how much experience you had on them. Since the majority of my 20 years work experience has been white collar professional . . . well, needless to say, I have no experience running a fork lift (seated or standing) or packing machine.

I got my "dear john" email three days later.

That job would not have paid all the bills (should the child-support stop) but it had nice benefits.
I guess they were not looking for a middle aged, female with a bachelors of science degree in sociology.

Luckily, I have lots of experience in different things, so I'm not too limited. Just a wee bit nervous about the six year gap of no work, while staying at home.

I don't want them to think I was put away in the "big house" during that time.


Speaking of the "big house", vileman's trial has been continued by agreement (once again!) and he is now on the October docket.

I'm thinking his time is running out and the trial will probably happen before the end of the year.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Gray Area

Today I programed the DVR to record the Dr. Oz show. (We are a day behind because of the tennis match last Tuesday).

It's supposed to be about the effects of stress on a woman's body.

I'm almost afraid to watch.

Waiting for someone to go to trial is very stressful.

Not knowing when vileman will go to trial or what the outcome will be is so stressful.

Lately, my mind has been in overdrive thanks to way too many Law and Order episodes. (L&O: Criminal Intent is my favorite.)

In my biased mind, I think how the trial will play out. I imagine scenarios and think of comebacks for the prosecuting attorney.

For instance, vileman pled the 5th to every horrific question my attorney asked him at our temporary order hearing. So, I think "hmm, I wonder if they can use the transcripts from that hearing in his criminal trial?" If so, how would the ADA know about it?

I had a few things that I thought vileman's community service supervisor should know about, but I'll spare you the details.

So, I called the detective who arrested vileman and told him my thoughts. He was patient with me and understood my position, but it seems I would just look like a revengeful ex-wife. Not a mother trying to protect her children from vileman.


Last week, 6 was home sick with a viral bug and while she was watching cartoons, I picked up one of my dad's cow magazines. It's focus was on stressed calves (moo moo calves) and how the stress when they are taken from their momma's for weaning prior to being sold, affects them negatively.

Apparently, these stressed out calves get sick because of the high cortisol levels that the stress produces.

It made me think about my situation and the disservice I am doing to my body.

Anyways, I will be very interested in watching the Dr. Oz show when I get back from picking the kids up from school.


I'm still up 1.8 pounds - thanks to the Lady cycle week - I sort of deviated from the plan by having three carb-up days and four base-line days that week. My carb-up days were very tame, (as in high fiber cereal for dinner) so no need to beat myself up. The lesson learned is: when I feel lady cycle coming on, I need to immediately switch to carb down day and stay there until the week passes to keep the carb cravings at bay.

This week I started on the accelerated fat cycle.


Edited on 9/24/09: I'm finally back down this morning (had been up late last week to 2.8 pounds but by Sunday had lost 1 pound and had a 1.8 gain of water retention left) . . . weight loss to date 10.2 pounds - wished it was faster but I don't feel deprived and that is probably going to help with continuing on.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Week 5 Oh the Joys of Peri-menopause

I'm up 1.8 pounds and I know it is water retention from my carb-up day on Saturday. No binge, but I did share a bag of microwave popcorn with 6 while watching "Hannah Montana the movie".

I sprinkled my bowl with a little dry ranch seasoning and some Parmesan cheese. A wee bit too salty.

Sunday morning, my lady cycle showed up . . . again. She has become very unpredictable these days, showing up sometimes every couple of weeks or not showing up for three months. I just never know.

Hence the salt craving and the reason the crazy lady was practically licking the empty popcorn bowl.
And the grumpies are here too.
I'm looking forward to the end of the week already.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Week 4 of Cracking the Fat

The fourth week ended with a 2 pound loss giving me a total of 10 pounds lost for 4 weeks.

This makes me happy.

I always have my weight loss at the end of the week, so I spend the first part of the week frustrated. But now I know and I'll try not to be too disappointed on Tuesday's and Wednesday's weigh-ins.

My clothes are getting a little looser and that too, makes me happy.

I am NOT the type of person who can lose 10 pounds and drop a whole clothing size. This does not make me happy.

Unfortunately, I am at the magic number that has been a huge plateau problem for me in the past. Over the years, when I have been at this weight, it was fairly easy to maintain for months and months until I would start snacking away - then I would hit the other plateau . . . the 10 pounds heavier one. Knowing this does not make me happy.

But, I have managed very nicely for four weeks and am willing to keep on, so maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to crack this number that my body seems to love and keep on losing.

That will make me very, very happy.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Why I love my flipflops!

Because they don't cause blisters.

Enough said.


The boy's karate instructor was forced to close shop, due to the economy, starting a new career and wanting to spend more time with his family. It's frustrating to start going to a new karate group, because you almost have to start over (because of the different kind of disciplines) and he had already worked up to a blue belt. The instructor said he was meeting twice a month with the upper belts to help them complete their black belts. He said 12 year old showed a lot of promise and invited him to join the group. *If you remember, I was very leery of this guy last year. But as the year went by, I became more comfortable with him and the other instructor. I will probably always be hyper-vigilant with adult males that work with my children. Better safe than sorry.

Anyway, if 12's schedule will allow it, he will be able to continue working toward his black belt with the same instructor.


Six is very embarrassed about having to still ride in a car seat. She barely weighs 42 pounds, is petite and still fits comfortably in the 5-point harness car seat.

Yesterday when I picked her up (I have to wait in an incredibly looooong car line (the first day, I had flashbacks of Hurricane Rita traffic) that is still being policed by five patrol cars (at least it's safe!) she got in the car and scooted over to the over side where there isn't a car seat and proclaimed "I think I'll sit here." When I insisted she get in her car seat, she fussed that she is in FIRST GRADE AND STILL SITTING IN A CAR SEAT! And so and so, doesn't have to sit in one!.

Too bad, because if she were to get a cold or pick up a virus tomorrow, she would weigh under 40 pounds.

It's not easy being six.


I'm still plugging along on the Crack the Fat Loss diet. But the weight loss is very s-l-o-w. Grrr.