Saturday, October 31, 2009

tick tick tick tick tick tick tick . . . . . .

The waiting is the hardest part.

Thursday and Friday, were horrible eating days. The worst of the year and possibly the last few years.

I was running around gathering information and making copies and the stress of it all (plus the dreaded first day of lady cycle) had me incorporating an old habit . . .something I haven't done in several years . . .

I invited an old companion to accompany me. Her name is "Little Debbie" and she supplied the zebra cakes.

After I inhaled the package of two small nonfood items, I realized I hadn't even tasted them. So I pulled out a second package of two and ate them slower. (Bringing my calorie content to around 900 for four individual zebra cakes.

By the way, they were not tasty.

When I got to my destination, I threw the box away for fear I would consume the entire contents, trying desparately to remember why they (the cakes) brought me comfort a few years ago.

The magic wasn't rekindled.

Friday, I failed to eat breakfast and realized it was already time to pick up the kids from school and I hadn't eaten anything all day. I was wired from too much coffee.

Thank goodness I have the snack bag in the car for the kids (which has never bothered me or triggered any binges).

Two individual bags of goldfish crackers later, I was now craving carbs.

Made the kids witches broomstick breadsticks (from pizza dough) when we got home. I ate mine with butter.

***

I know it might not sound so bad or be considered a binge in some peoples' book but it isn't really about the food. It's how I handled the stress. It was handled destructively. And not just one off day but two. And we all know that if it isn't nipped in the bud, two bad days can equal a week and so on . . . until you weigh more than you have ever weighed.


This morning I had a boiled egg and a sliced apple first thing.

My face and fingers feel and look puffy.

I think my best course of dealing with the upcoming issue is to eat healthy, get plenty of water, exercise and wait it out like a human. Not a zombie feasting on anything that moves past me.

7 comments:

Jill said...

I hate to say it, but I'm right there with you. My youngest has the H1N1 flu and all day I've eaten anything and everything I could find. It's total stress eating and I know that...but it's hard to get a handle on it. Maybe tomorrow I'll start off better like you.
I hope your stress gets resolved soon!! (actually I hope your stress falls off the nearest cliff, but I digress...) ;)

altopower said...

We're really good at stress eating. It goes deep and usually provided some kind of comfort in the past. I'm not surprised you reached for an old companion and am also not surprised that there was no magic there - and that you were able to throw away Little Debbies purchased but not eaten. Only a strong woman can do that, and you are strong.

Don't look at it as failure. Consider those 2 days as stumbles that you identified and stopped. You don't like the way you feel or the puffiness of your face. You broke the pattern with Day Three, and I'm really proud of you for recognizing the need and actually doing it.

We're not perfect and there will be stumbles. How fast we spot them and turn things around is what matters.

You are such a wonderful person and amazing mom. I'm glad you and the kids have each other. Sending lots of love and energy (well, I'm keeping some of that for myself, but you need some, too!).

Vickie said...

I was thinking your stress's face on a punching bag - but then you would have to look at it. . .

Cindy...154 said...

I know how you fee. But I am glad to hear you say the magic is gone with the Little Debbies and that you threw those away. It could have been worse. You started over which is the best thing you can do. Start over as soon as possible. I am so glad to see you posting more. Hang in there!!

Lori G. said...

You forgot our nickname for them,remember? Little Demons? You really did better than you give yourself credit for, by the way.

altopower said...

I hope everything is okay with you and the kids. Keeping you in my thoughts.

Laura N said...

Totally with you, sister. I've thrown away many a box of junk food after eating part of it & regretting it soon after.

Hope you're still bud nipping and are on track.

Hang in there.