tick tick tick tick tick tick tick . . . . . .

The waiting is the hardest part.

Thursday and Friday, were horrible eating days. The worst of the year and possibly the last few years.

I was running around gathering information and making copies and the stress of it all (plus the dreaded first day of lady cycle) had me incorporating an old habit . . .something I haven't done in several years . . .

I invited an old companion to accompany me. Her name is "Little Debbie" and she supplied the zebra cakes.

After I inhaled the package of two small nonfood items, I realized I hadn't even tasted them. So I pulled out a second package of two and ate them slower. (Bringing my calorie content to around 900 for four individual zebra cakes.

By the way, they were not tasty.

When I got to my destination, I threw the box away for fear I would consume the entire contents, trying desparately to remember why they (the cakes) brought me comfort a few years ago.

The magic wasn't rekindled.

Friday, I failed to eat breakfast and realized it was already time to pick up the kids from school and I hadn't eaten anything all day. I was wired from too much coffee.

Thank goodness I have the snack bag in the car for the kids (which has never bothered me or triggered any binges).

Two individual bags of goldfish crackers later, I was now craving carbs.

Made the kids witches broomstick breadsticks (from pizza dough) when we got home. I ate mine with butter.

***

I know it might not sound so bad or be considered a binge in some peoples' book but it isn't really about the food. It's how I handled the stress. It was handled destructively. And not just one off day but two. And we all know that if it isn't nipped in the bud, two bad days can equal a week and so on . . . until you weigh more than you have ever weighed.


This morning I had a boiled egg and a sliced apple first thing.

My face and fingers feel and look puffy.

I think my best course of dealing with the upcoming issue is to eat healthy, get plenty of water, exercise and wait it out like a human. Not a zombie feasting on anything that moves past me.

Problem Will Be Solved (Keeps fingers crossed . . .)

Thank you all so much for your support and comments regarding you know what.

I believe the problem will be handled by the end of the week and I will keep you informed . . .

until then, I edited my last post, so as not to tip someone off should someone happen to find this blog. I hid the comments for the time being also.

I will write more once I know more.

Thanks again for all your support! I so, so, appreciate it.

My Life in the Left Hand Turn Lane

It always seems like I am turning left, whether taking the kids to school or returning home, or running errands.

Weird.

***
The girl (6) went back to school today after missing most of last week (she went to school on Wednesday but said she felt horrible and when I picked her up after school she had a temperature of 103.8). She has missed a total of eight days already this year and I suspect today, I will get the computer generated letter telling me she has excessive absences and if she misses seven more days she will not be eligible to pass first grade.

Grrr.

I understand that the school district legally has to notify you that your child is frequently absent and passing school might be jeopardized, but . . . since school started, the nation has had a very early flu season with two flu(s) floating around!

Six ran a fever for eight straight days . . . starting on Thursday and ending the next Friday. A child could easily miss 5 to 7 days of school for each case of flu (seasonal and H1N1)! I think over 15 absent days is the cut-off, so two bouts of flu and your out!

Grrr.

And the school does not want you to send your child to school sick.

The first three days six missed happened the third week of school and I think she might have had a mild case of the H1N1 flu - fever, body aches and diarrhea. Turns out that week, she was NOT the only one home ill. The absence rate was way high compared to last year at that time.

I'm not worried about six not passing first grade because of illness/absences. She is smart. ***We interrupt this old lady rant to insert some proud parental bragging rights*** At the beginning of the school year, the teacher tested all the kids on reading and math skills -Six got a perfect score on word recognition, something the teacher in 17 years of teaching had never seen before. And six already reads the wpm required of first graders to pass to second grade. ***End of bragging.***

What I am worried about is the necessity to change the rules this school season due to the already high absences related to the two flu(s). And the flu season has just begun. Parents should be able to keep their kids home to recover and not feel pressure to get them back in school based on the absence rate. (I understand this is very hard on working parents too, because it's tough to ask off work all week or longer to care for an ill child.)

****

The Book of Possibilities Replaced with a Plan

The movie "Last Holiday" with Queen Latifa is one of my favorite "feel good" movies and I just loved the character's "book of possibilities". She made the book scrapbook-like and put in it, things she wanted to do, places she wanted to go and recipes she wanted to try.

There is a scene in the movie where she is looking at her book and crying because she hadn't implemented any of her possibilities, that is, until she thinks she only has a few weeks to live.

Only when she thinks she is dying, does she begin to live out her possibilities.

I don't want that to happen to me.

Debbi has a great Friday quote post today that got me thinking about this possibility/dream /action/plan thing.

For instance, the other morning when I was taking 13 to school, we were listening to the radio and the dj (Kidd Kraddick) was talking about single parents. According to some research he quoted, 1 in 5 single parents never dates again. Then he went on and described that single parent . . . sweat pants (I was wearing blue jean shorts), tee shirt (check!) flip flops (check!), no make-up (I prefer fresh faced but . . . check!) and so on and so on . . .

13 just looked at me like I was from outer space because, I was saying "check!" with each description.

Now the dating thing, I'm currently not interested in as we all know why (thank you vileman for making me currently not trust males) but I think right now, it's okay that I shy away from that part until I'm ready.

But I don't want to look like I have given up on myself either.

Right now my biggest "dream" is to find a good job. This job will be the most important job of my working career because it has to be something that I am satisfied with, that pays the bills and allows the kids and I to move into chapter two of this journey.

I haven't really written down a plan to find this great job. Oh, I've dreamed about the possibilities of finding great job and cashing my paycheck. I have been job hunting on the internet, large company websites, and the newspaper but I haven't sat down and decided what it is that I want to do, or at least narrowed it down. Instead, I have been applying for things I think I could do, even if it isn't something that might interest me.

I need a well thought out plan.

Exercising is another dream/possibility without a plan.

Sometimes, I daydream about doing yoga every morning and then walking after the kids get home from school or riding the exercise bike in the shop should it be raining. I need an exercise schedule stat! But more importantly, I need to implement the exercise schedule . . . STAT!

So, over the next few days, I will be making doable plans.

Time for a will

This morning I'm running a temperature, a very low grade one. I usually run below 98.6 (around 97 degrees due to thyroid disease) so anything close to 100 is a temperature for me . . . a million little violins are playing . . .


Six went back to school this morning after being home since Friday with an "upper respiratory infection" . . .because doctor is tired of the flu diagnosis paperwork and testing for all patients with flu like symptoms . . .


While waiting for 6's dance class to end last week, another mom offered me an Avon book and said she was the Avon lady. I told her I used to use the Anew products. She studied my face and handed me some Anew product samples (the Anew line has products specified for each age decade 30's, 40's, and 50's . . . apparently your skin doesn't require anything new when you are in your 60's, 70's, 80's, 90's, or 100's ) . . . that's right, after studying my skin, she handed me samples for . . . . . .

THE 50's AGE GROUP . . . . the 50's and older age group!

. . . Don't like Avon lady . . . I'll buy Olay.


Tomorrow 12 turns 13 . . . he will now be called a teenager for the next five years . . . the adolescent-hell years . . . I can already feel my wrinkles deepening . . .


Today, I will be working on my last will and testament . . . because I have a temperature and I look old.

Take out the fat - put the fat back in . . .

After re-thinking my resume, I decided it wasn't doing me any justice and retooled it. My original version was pared down because years ago, I had heard your resume should only be one page long. So, last year when I wrote my resume, I took out a lot of the "fat" and instead of highlighting my accomplishments, I focused on my job duties.

So, after a lot of research, rewriting, utilizing the right "buzz" words, and getting rid of a job on my resume (it aged me and I read you should only have the past 15 years of work on the resume -also, I have no desire to be a financial paraplanner and would not be looking for jobs in that area) I'm now ready to retry the job search with the new and improved resume.

Wish me luck!

***

I spent a lot of time re-tooling the resume last week but in between breaks, I cleaned out my closet and the four foot lockers full of clothes that no matter how many times I weed out - still seem to never make much of a dent (sort of like my credit card balances).

There is a show called "Closet Cases" with Lloyd Boston that I love to watch on Saturday afternoon (Fine Living Network). His advice is to make three piles: Stop, Go and Yield . . . I did that and managed to get two large trash bags full of clothing for donation to Goodwill. My goal would be to have one foot locker for out-of-season clothing storage.

***

Six got sick Thursday night. She said her head hurt. She was also running a fever and I was afraid she was going to have the flu - she had a field trip scheduled for Friday at the pumpkin patch and she couldn't go because Friday morning she still had a fever. Boo Hoo! I felt so bad for her (second thing she didn't get to do) but I promised when she felt better I would take her to the pumpkin patch.

This morning she has had no fever, just a runny nose and a wet cough. Hopefully it is just a cold.

***
The rain finally stopped yesterday and the sun is actually shining today - the temperatures are in the low 70's - a beautiful fall day just waiting for me to enjoy a nice walk.

Have a great weekend.

Another Rambling Post

It has been raining and raining and raining for the last few days. Prior to this past week's rain, it rained for almost 10 days straight a couple of weeks ago . . . the ground is soaked already! Not complaining, because this summer we were in a drought - no rain for 40 plus days and when it did rain it was a short sprinkle - not a soaker.

I just don't like gloomy days.

****

Vickie, the high school drill team puts on a camp every year for the younger girls to have the opportunity to dance with the drill team during half-time at one of the football games. I signed 6 up and she went to the two workshops last week but unfortunately, the weather went from 90 degrees on Thursday afternoon to 50 degrees and rainy by Friday afternoon. When I picked 6 up from school she had a runny nose, so I decided not to let her perform that night. I know that the weather doesn't make one sick, but I didn't want to chance her getting worse, especially with the flu bug going around this area. She would have been miserable sitting on the cold bleachers waiting for half-time. And this kid's teeth start to chatter at 72 degrees.

I did get to see her perform the routine several times on the football field on Tuesday night during their practice. Still, I sort of feel guilty about keeping her home that night.

They do it again during basketball season so she will have that opportunity, plus it's indoors!

***

Since the weather turned chilly with temps staying in the 50's for a few days, it was time to buy jeans for the kids. I warned 12 ahead of time that we were going shopping, told him the stores we were going to go to and in what order, and that I didn't want to hear any complaints or how much longer? or how many more stores do we have to go to? sassy talk from him.

He was very good. 6 is always good because she loves to shop.

Unfortunately, 12 is at that awkward slim stage where nothing fits in the waist without being high-waters. We finally settled on 28 x 30's at Old Navy. He probably needs a 27 inch waist. We also picked up solid colored long sleeve tee shirts for layering under his short tee's. Old Navy has the softest tee shirts.

Last stop was at Aeropostale for hoodies and more tee's. (By the way, the boys at this small country junior high school dress way, way nicer than the girls. I have seen only a handful of girls that looks stylish.)

Anyway, the kids each got some warm clothes and I feel blessed that I had the money to buy them. I know a lot of families are financially strapped and having a hard time making ends meet and I hope this recession eases up soon.

****

Well, with the dampness came a very slow internet connection - so off to do some chores.

Have a great week!

Favorites

Time for a less paranoid post, so I'll put away my wrinkled trench coat, but only temporarily.

A couple of weeks ago, Hanlie passed the baton on a meme - 10 secret things about yourself. I have already spilled all secrets/skeletons, etc. so I thought I would switch it up and do my current 10 favorite things:


Favorite Breakfast:
This is a recipe from the Crack/Fat Diet but I do not add any artificial sweeteners as suggested in the book:
Mix 3/4 cup of egg beaters with one individual package of plain oatmeal. Add one scoop of protein powder and more egg beaters if needed. Pour into a small omelet pan, cover and cook on low heat, when omelet set, flip over for a few minutes. Serve with low-sugar syrup or low-sugar jam/jelly.

Favorite Lunch:
Buffalo Chicken - Wingless Wrap
On a Flat-Out Wrap, spread one tablespoon of low-fat blue cheese dressing mixed with a little Frank's hot wing sauce. Layer chicken on top of the dressing. Top with shredded broccoli slaw. Roll wrap and slice in half. Serve with sliced honeycrisp apple.
This wrap is full of fiber, veggies and protein.

Favorite Relaxation Technique:
I'm a bundle of nerves these days and you will find me doing this several times throughout the day:
Get on the floor and lie on your back. Spread your arms and legs out, making an "X". Close your eyes and breathe in through your mouth and slowly exhale through your nose.

Favorite TV Guilty Pleasure:
The Rachel Zoe Project
Rachel needs to use the above relaxation technique. I swear, I can almost smell her Starbucks venti coffee breath through her permanently pinched little mouth. She also has two drama queens as style assistants: Taylor, a white haired, no eyes, grumpy gal and a male assistant stylist (I can't remember his name) who cries almost every episode.

Favorite New Fall TV Show:
Glee
Though it has a lot of adult humor, I only cringe a little when watching this fun show with 12 (who will be 13 in two weeks). Makes me want to sing and dance. And Jane Lynch's PE/Cheerleader coach trying to sabotage the Glee club because they took a small portion of her budget (she wanted a fog machine) is the funniest character in this show.

Favorite Magazine:
All You
I have only seen this magazine at Walmart. The cost is $2.49 but it has $$$'s of coupons in it (the only reason I buy it). Some coupons are for free products and there are lots of make-up coupons.

Favorite Cheap Entertainment:
Redbox rental videos!

Favorite Time Spent with 12 & 6 That Involves Spending Money:
Seeing a movie together that we all enjoy. "Up" was a wonderful movie. "G-Force" . . .not so much.

Favorite Time Spent with 12 & 6 That Involves Discussing Money:
Pig piling on the bed and talking about what we would buy if we were rich. 6 really likes this game. She loves to describe how she would decorate her room . . . horses, horses and more horses painted on the walls.

Favorite Parent Time (currently):
Watching 12 play football and making a great tackle. Watching 6 dance with the high school drill team.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Cracking the fat hasn't been as fat cracking as I thought it would be BUT, I haven't been exercising, either. I'm starting the 7 week cycle back over this week (as you are supposed to if you need to lose additional weight) but not going to redo the carb-deplete week - just starting back at week 2.

The other day I noticed in the garage, that my dad had his old exercise bike still around. I can promise you, my dad hasn't exercised on it since 1990. When 12 was a baby, I borrowed it for a couple of years and actually had some success with weight loss when I alternated between the bike and aerobics (this was before I bought a treadmill). The bike looked like it was still in pretty good shape. . . probably because it had about the same mileage that Grandma put on her car, which she only drove to church on Sunday morning. ***Insert rant***My parents do not throw anything away. They are not hoarders like extreme hoarders but they sure hold on to things they don't use or haven't used in years. For instance, they moved here from Tulsa in 2005. You would think that the rusty, 37 year old tandem bike that my older sister and I rode for fun when we were in 7th and 3rd grade would have been given to the junk yard instead of paying to have a moving company haul it here, where it sits in my dad's workshop . . . along with the 1957 Chevy he has had for years and "is gonna fix up". ***End of rant***

Sorry, it's amazing that I have no sentimental emotions toward objects and pretty much left behind years of stuff from the old life. It all can be replaced.

Anyway, the exercise bike has been pulled out, cleaned-up and put away in the shop for easy access. Now that the weather is a wee bit crisp (gosh I love, love, love! autumn) I got no more excuses . . . time to get out and walk and use the exercise bike.

The kids and I watch TBL on Saturday nights on Bravo and 6 asked me if I wanted her to be my personal trainer. She showed me a bunch of exercises she does in PE class. How sweet is that?

****

I spoke with Lori the other day and she said something that Det. Colombo hadn't thought of . . .she says it sounds like vileman is on the run . . . yikes!

If he is on the run, he won't be bothering us.

Still won't be letting my guard down.

Channeling Det. Colombo in a Minivan

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

- Sun tzu

Yesterday, I sat around and spent a little time thinking of scenarios of why vileman lost his job. I used the old strategy "if that happened then this would happen" and came up with an answer that I'm willing to accept.

After vileman got that job last year, my dad looked up their website and printed out the job application. We were shocked anyone would hire him with an indictment hanging over his head. But, the application never asked have you ever been indicted? Instead it asked "have you ever been convicted of a felony". Since vileman hasn't been convicted yet, he didn't lie on his application. So, I'm thinking that maybe the company didn't want a possible lawsuit against them for firing an "alleged" s*x off*nd*r. (Sorry for the weird spellings . . . don't want any google drop ins to this sight.)

Also, if someone tipped off his boss about the indictment and that is why he was terminated, then vileman would have blamed me, or someone in my family. He would have been angry enough to call my parents residence or emailed his wrath. (My family would have never told his company about him because my children benefited from that job: great health care insurance and child support.)

Vileman didn't tell his family. If he was terminated because of his indictment, he would have been indignant, outraged and defensive and would want to blame someone and let someone(s) hear him, so I pretty sure he would have told his family.

Maybe he quit to work somewhere else? Nope - he would have contacted his family if he had quit that job to take a better job.

He could have done something illegal and got arrested. But, I think his arrest would have gotten back to the first arresting detective and he would have notified me.

Though vileman's previous company didn't monitor his email/web searches or history, I would think he might be a little more discreet and not use his business computer for illicit downloads. I know his bond restrictions dictate that he has to report to a community supervisor. He has the right to check his work computer (vileman wasn't allowed to have a personal computer) and load monitoring software on it if he thought necessary. Since vileman has not sought any treatment, maybe the urges made him careless. This is my first best guess at what might have happened.

Through the process of elimination, my second guess is going to be he broke a company rule. (I don't know if I ever mentioned that on the day vileman got arrested, he borrowed a company vehicle to drive to the scene of the crime where he was arrested. When the detectives asked me if he always drove the blue Ford? I looked shocked and told the detectives that wasn't his car. They all three shook there heads and decided it was a company car. I laughed when they said that and made a comment something along the lines of "what a dumb ass" and we all shared a good belly laugh).

Maybe he got caught taking kickbacks as he was in purchasing.

Whatever it was, he was too embarrassed to let anyone in his family know he had been terminated.

***

With no fancy title and power, comes the loss of those perks to keep you busy and not thinking about doing time. And when you travel to the New Orleans office as often as he did, the lifestyle of going to Hornets and Saints games plus home town's teams, well you end up with a lot of free time on your hands.

Vileman would probably (and I know I'm right about his) cry on whomever's shoulder about missing his kids but he kept busy with things that vile would find fun. We have never seen any sign that he has spied on us or followed us since moving here.

But that was before he lost his job.

He stayed at the same hotel chain when he traveled to the other office and I know he has many many hotel points for free nights. Country town has that hotel, so yesterday before picking the kids up from school, I drove by and checked the parking lot for his car. I'm going to do it everyday until I know he has been put away or hear something about where he is.

I have a list and phone numbers of his former friends from Oklahoma. Since a lot of them own their own small businesses, I suspect he will be notifying them for job leads.

His silence is deafening!

And very scary.

Not paralyzing scary.

****

Ironically or good timing, last Friday, 6 saw the healer to discuss not going with vileman should he show up at her school or see him(we did not know about his job loss at this time). The healer worked with her for almost 1 1/2 hours and I know she gets it.

I don't worry as much for 12, because he knows and promises me he will seek adult help if vileman should ever approach him.