Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The Hotel California Roller Coaster Ride

Life over the past seven months has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride . . .

The day after vileman's arrest, I sat at my parents' kitchen table with a cup of coffee in my hand, thinking about our uncertain future. I knew vileman would lose his job, especially since he borrowed a company vehicle for his little jaunt, used the company computer for vileness and the nice detective had already telephoned his HR department to ask them to secure vileman's office.

I knew I was going to have to walk away from our house. My parents were distraught about the situation and kept telling me that was the wrong thing to do, that I should try and keep up with the mortgage. I was certain July's note would be paid, but who knew after that.

(Early July) This went on for days until I received a letter from vileman who was still in jail. He informed me that he was still on the payroll. Going up!

(Around July 8th) What he failed to inform me, was that he was indeed fired as of July 1st and that we lost our health insurance benefits. Going down!

Thankfully, on June 27th, I had purchased a six month, short-term health insurance policy on the kids and I, so we had no lapse in insurance. Going up!

The vileman was paid up to July 1st with no severance (ha ha ha) and no chance of getting unemployment benefits. Going down!

I drained the bank accounts and paid all bills due in July (including his credit cards) with money orders. Going Up!

I left enough money for him on July 15th to make sure that the mortgage would be paid in August. He spent the money on other things. Going down!

(Late July) We put the house on the market, with the realtor assuring me it was not priced too high and she could sell it within 10 days. Going up!

The mortgage bubble burst and we lowered the price two weeks later. Going down!

(August 6th) At the temporary order hearing, the judge ordered that vileman should have no contact with his children at this time. Going up! (By the way, the children last saw and spoke with their dad two days before he was arrested. Vileman called many times demanding to speak to his children: never was going to happen.)

(August 6th) He was ordered to pay $225/month child support based on an unemployed person. Going down!

(August 6th) The judge ordered early withdrawal of vileman's 401K balance (it wasn't anything to write home about) with me receiving 64% after taxes to live on as six months "spousal support" . . . Grrr. (Though it was good news, I knew 50% of his 401K would be rewarded to me after the divorce so I was a little peeved about them calling my 50% "spousal support".) Going up!

(First week in October) It would take 60 days before I would see any money. Going down!

The stock market begin to nose dive but his 401K was liquidated in August, so it didn't loose the 40% value that many people saw happen to their own investments. Going up!

(Late August) Vileman found another job making six figures (how nice, he got a big raise . . . she writes with sarcasm) and a fancy title (ohhh a promotion!). Still going up!

And we were immediately eligible for health, dental and vision insurance! Does it get any better than this. Up, up and away!

(September) He paid four weeks of child support based on his new salary then decided he couldn't "afford" to pay above and beyond the $225/month ordered at the temporary order hearing. What goes up, must come down! And it sounds like this SPLAT!


His insurance paid for the kids and I to go to therapy. Going up!

(Late October) Find out from our counselor, that vileman is a classic psychopath. Not serial killer psychopath but antisocial disorder psychopath. Read the book "Without Conscience" and realize he fits every description except he isn't mean to animals. Just the opposite, but than again, Tony Soprano was nicer to animals than humans. That is another post for another day. Going way down!

(Mid October) Decide to put the job search away for the time being and continue to be a stay-at-home mom because right now that's what the kids need. They need me to take them to school, pick them up from school, take them to counseling, take them to dance class and take them to karate. I feel good about this decision and live off the 401K distribution. Going up!

(Mid November) My lawyer (he's down there) tells me how much it will cost for him to come up here and diposition the kids' counselor. He says it will be cheaper for her to testify in court. Going down!

I tell the counselor and she says she will work with me to get down there to testify. Going up!

(Mid December) The counselor forgets she says she will work with me and wants $$$$ mucho money paid up front to go down to testify . . . it is almost three times more than what the lawyer was going to charge me for him to come up here and hire a court reporter. Going down!

(Late December and Early January) Win the following motions before our divorce trial is set to start: the detective and file must appear (the criminal DA tried to have it quashed/squashed), waived mediation (I was not about to pay a bunch of lawyers to argue over dishes and furniture), the counselor can testify over the phone. Going up!

(January 2nd) The vileman files a motion to have the children interviewed by the judge before our divorce trial. Going down!

(January 5th) Judge says she will decide after our trial. Going up!

(January 6th) The vileman settles and agrees (reluctantly) it is in the best interest of the children for him to not have access or possession of the children, agrees to pay me the back child support he owes, and reimburse me for all my lawyers fees ($12,000 it is very expensive to get rid of vile people but worth it). I'm soaring!

(January 14th) I get the bill from the counselor for file prep, court prep, standby and telephone conferences with my lawyer and his lawyer. Going down!

(January 15th) My lawyer says she is raking me over the coals and now I'm not feeling so warm and fuzzy over counselor . . . that will be another post. Still going down and now feeling a wee bit resentful!

(January 17th) Get a small check from lawyer of the remaining balance of the vileman's 401K after lawyer took out my final bill due him. It will barely cover the counselor's fees. A little up and a little down.

(January 26th) Time to start the great job search of 2009! I'm feeling good and ready. Going up!

(January 27th) The next day the media declares Monday as "Bloody Monday" with all the lay-offs. Going down!

I'm still waiting on my child support checks from January 15th and the 31st. The judge didn't sign our divorce decree until last week and the child support disbursement center wouldn't set up me until the decree was signed by the judge. I know I will be paid, but the redtape to set it up irks me. Going down!

I remind myself that my children are doing great and we are embarking on a new chapter with endless possibilities. Going up!


Anonymous said...

"I can do all things thru him who strengthens me." It may sound like a cliche, but in time you will see it is true. We are also with you. So please keep strong and keep the faith. You are so much better off now. Sheri

Laura N said...

Oh. my. gosh. That is just insane, A. And how in the world does someone like that get a 6 figure job & keep it, when he's facing a criminal trial? I don't think I want to know.

In all the crap, you truly have managed to find some silver linings. I'm glad you are writing about it all. I hope it helps make things feel more settled & final.

Hang in there. I think of you often!

Michelle said...

{{hugehug}} Just hold on tight to your babies. Eventually the roller coaster will be a distant memory.

Vickie said...

you know - (even though I knew most of that) - to see it all mapped out - month by month - blow by blow - was pretty awful/chilling.

I feel/felt so bad for all that YOU had to deal/cope/adjust.

You deserve so much better.

And even thought it was all pretty terrible - I am thankful (and I know you are too) that it was not worse and that you are (all three) okay.

Think of the women that have no resources, no family, no education - and what happens to them and their children. . .

You are very blessed on so many levels.

Jill said...

Wow, I'm dizzy just reading that! I can't imagine actually living it.

Surely things will level out some in the next few months.

Hang in there!

Anne M. said...

You are a remarkably resilient woman, my friend, and have been a rock for the kids during an incredibly difficult time. (((( big hugs ))))

sharla*** said...

Holy Sh... was all that came to mind. You are wonderful. You are doing the best thing for you and the kids. I am so sorry that you have had to deal with all of that. <3 ( yes, I just found out that is a heart- I 've seen it on my daughters blog- I asked her and a friend last night what "less than 3" meant...they decided I'm a dork!

Patience said...

There'll always be ups and downs, but the ups will always win over the downs!

Hanlie said...

Wow, that's some roller coaster! At least after every down there's an up!

Lora said...

I got sea-sick just reading about all those ups and downs!

I hope the next year will bring a smoother ride for you all!

Scale Junkie said...

Again...I'm just so happy you're on your way to rebuilding.