Monday, November 30, 2009

Time to Soar

Seeing how we are now in the good tidings and merry season, I shall not try to grumble and moan too loudly about everything that has gone so wrong the past three weeks. I need to keep on keeping on but I have to wonder what the tipping point is?

Is there a DNA component that has a person hitting bottom and rising out of the ashes like the phoenix? Or is there a component that makes a person throw up their hands and look up at the sky declaring defeat?

I hope, hope, hope, I have the phoenix DNA.

At my last job, over 6 1/2 years ago, I worked with a woman who had a black doom cloud hanging over her head. Trouble just seemed to follow her. I have been thinking about her a lot lately, wondering if she ever had any potential and just gave up on striving for things she wanted to achieve by giving in to the ultimate sin of "settling".

Was she once a vibrant, thin, good natured woman? Did life beat her down so much that she put on 60 pounds, took up smoking, settled for a low-wage job where she wore the same stinky sweater with pockets (to hold the cigarettes) everyday? Did she give up on her children and fail to help progress them along? What happened to her?

I hope, hope, hope, I don't become just like her.

***

Think of all my blessings . . .

13 and 6 mean everything to me. Everything I have done has been in the best interest of them. That includes not going back to work right away (this is a very sore subject with a male figure in my family.) As Vickie likes to say "should of, could of, would of". I don't want to regret being home for them during a very difficult time in their life.

I had a flat tire three weeks ago. I was at the country town library where the out of school suspension kids flock to after their class is over (ironic, I know.) As I walked to my car, a young delinquent pointed out that I had a flat. He offered to fix it . . . . for money. I told him thank you and that I had no money on me so I would fix it myself.

One of the other gang members shook his head and told me he would fix it for me, because he said "my mom could be in the same predicament as you and I hope someone helps her." It took the gang one hour to break my jack and change the tire. But I was happy they helped me and offered to write their probation officers and a judge a nice letter.

The 13 year old and I are going to practice changing the tire so that he and I both can learn. But first, I'm going to buy a better jack.

***

Last month the healer sent a huge package to the ADA's office. It included all correspondence from vileman that he has written to me and the kids plus all emails he sends (his bond restrictions are supposed to keep him off the Internet except for job hunting purposes.) After the ADA received the package, she called the healer to report that "if it were true, (duh!?! they had all the evidence) then he was in violation of his bond restrictions".

Nothing ever came of it. Which leaves me to believe that (1) they think it is domestic or (2) they are going to present it during his trial and probably subpoena me to testify. Grrr. Or (3) they know his trial is coming up at the end of December and maybe the info they have will keep him from getting another continuance.

I'm losing my faith in the judicial system.

***

I haven't been able to comment or post because (very embarrassing) I could not remember my password to this account. Ahem. And like the smart cookie that I am, the email address where they send the password info should you forget, required that password that I couldn't remember.

It finally came to me after days and days of trying . . . and I now feel quite merry.

15 comments:

Cindy...154 said...

So glad you posted. I was starting to get a little worried. I don't think you are going to end up like the stinky sweater lady,,not at all!!

Vickie said...

I now use a number series and a trick for every single password that I have. My kids can look at any account and know what my password is under this system. But that is good - because if I can't remember my system - they can.

If 13 doesn't know how to check air pressure and refill tires - and jump a battery - add that to the list. My oldest learned at just about that same age.

Your sticky sweater story was priceless.

glad to hear from you - I was starting to wonder too.

Helen said...

You ARE the phoenix.
Just sayin'. ;-)
Good to hear from you. :-)

Evelyn said...

You will rise out of the ashes...your courage and spirit will carry you through the tough times. Given all that you have been through, I would say that a moment or two of doubt are OK, but no more than two. You will get through this...((hugs))

Jill said...

You have phoenix DNA and more importantly, the dominant AWESOME gene. It may not feel like it, but you are made to win!

Hanlie said...

Oh, you're definitely a survivor! Way to go on practicing changing the tyres - my dad had my sister and I do that over and over again when we were learning to drive.

All the best for the holidays!

Vickie said...

Did I here from Lori that it is Happy Birthday time at your house? I might have dreamt this as I have been having sort of odd dreams lately. . .

Scale Junkie said...

Sorry I haven't been around, I've been lost in my own little world.

I had to comment about that woman you worked with who had the dark cloud because for a long time I believed I was cursed. I won't get into the long list of reasons but it is long and varied from quite serious to trivial. My point is that I now know that positive attracts positive, negative attracts negative and while opposites do still attract, once we've been to rock bottom its a lot easier to see that negative for what it is and chose to either let it in or fight with every fiber of our being to kick it out. The choice is ours to make.

Hang in there my friend, you are never far from my thoughts.

Vickie said...

I nudged Laura - so here is your nudge too. IT IS DECEMBER - we are all wondering about you. How goes it?

sharla said...

I'll second the nudge!

altopower said...

Hi sweetie. I hope things are going well for you and the kids. Write when you can and in the meantime, you are all in our thoughts and prayers.

Jill said...

Hey girl - just checking in to see how you are doing.

POST SOMETHING ALREADY!!!!

Kidding! But seriously, post something so we know you are (relatively) okay! ;)

sharla said...

Just wanted to stop by and wish you and the kiddos a Merry Christmas!

Vickie said...

please have a very peaceful Christmas. Take care of yourself.

Helen said...

Wishing you and your family a special Christmas! XOXO