Tuesday, September 29, 2009

When the walls start to close in . . .

Yesterday morning, after dropping the kids off at school, I had a nagging feeling something wasn't right with two recent emails I had received, one from vileman on Wednesday afternoon and another email from his sister, sent on that same evening. Because his sister sent her email to me at my old life's email address, (which I only check periodically), I didn't get her email until late Sunday night.

As you know, I am going on six months of not communicating with vileman. He sends an email and a certified letter/package every two weeks.

Which I just make copies, file away and ignore.

There is usually a threatening and demanding undertone to his words as in "I will not hesitate to take you to court" or "I demand that you reply to this email and let me know you received . . .." and my favorite bluff "you need to read the divorce decree as you are not complying by it".

His birthday was last Tuesday and I was expecting the email telling me how mean I am for not allowing the kids to send him a card or calling him. (The divorce decree says no contact with the children.)

Instead, his email said he wanted me to know that he sent two extra months of child support to the childsupport distribution center and that I should be on the lookout for it.

No threats, no demands, no calling me "mean".

His sister's email basically said "sorry to bother you but I'm worried sick about vileman because we haven't been able to reach him. He dosen't answer his cell phone or his emails."

Don't worry, he isn't dead . . . not that you would be worried . . .

He lost his job.

And I suspected it on Monday morning. I told my dad my suspicions about him losing his job. Pop disagreed with me and said he wasn't incompetent. So I pointed out the red flags:

#1 - His family was not able to get hold of him on his cell nor was he answering his emails. Vile had a company owned blackberry. If he had been terminated, he would have had to hand it in along with the company's laptop.

#2 - Why would he give extra child support?

Got the answer several hours later, when the mail came. The company he was employed with notified me by letter, that vile was no longer an employee. (They had to notify me because his wages were garnished to pay child support.)

I got a little pleasure out of telling my dad that my gut instinct was RIGHT.

He lost his job on the 18th. So I'm now wondering "why?"

Did the rumor mill finally catch up with him about his indictment? (Vickie, he was indicted last August and has been awaiting trial since then.)

Or did he revert to old habits and the company caught him misusing company property?

Why hasn't he sent a letter himself, telling me he was no longer employed and that the children will be losing their health /dental benefits?

Don't worry, I have kept a high deductible health insurance plan on the kids and myself since June 27th, 2008, so we are covered. Also, I have enough savings (unless something horrible happens) to get us by for almost six months.

Sorry to go on with boring details.

How are the walls closing in on him . . . well, now he doesn't have that high income to continue to pay the criminal lawyer for anything above and beyond what the original fees would cover. I can pretty much guess the days of "continued by agreement" will come to an end.

I also heard through a friend last year, that vileman found that position (director of a department) through someone at his church who recommended him. ***Insert back story****When vile got caught cheating on me in 2001 and I divorced him, he immediately ran to the church and put on a big display of going to Sunday school and joining men's groups. He would do testimonies at other churches about how he strayed and would never do that do his family again, blah blah blah***End of back story***

In the three years we lived in old life's town before I fled with the kids, we never set food in a church.

Guess what vile did after he got out of jail?

That's right. He ran to Sunday school.

What I'm trying to write (very poorly at that) is I bet his church circle has found out . . . and I know I wouldn't want to sit by a ped-o-vile.

And if his church circle has found out, then the roommate that he lives with (another divorced man that he met at church) will find out . . . and so on and so on. Maybe I should have titled this the domino effect.

Basically, his support system will begin to get smaller and smaller.

And that will drive him nuts . . . which will not be good for me or the children.

So we are now on high alert - the kids can't play outside unless someone is with them (me, my mother or father). Instead of leaving the girl at dance class, I will now need to stay at the studio.

I wouldn't turn my back on a snake and he is a slimy, venomous snake.

By the way, that is only the second time someone from his family has tried to contact me since vile's arrest. Remember his mother called on Feb. 15th for the first time asking to speak to "her grandchildren"? His sister never even asked how the kids were doing, it was all about her being worried about her brother.

I find it funny that his family of six siblings and a mom and dad, let vile sit in a jail for 8 days and never bailed him out. I would have been more worried sick about him being in jail as a ped-o-vile and at the mercy of the other inmates, but . . . that family is weird.

Okay, I have now written this shit out and need to go back to concentrating on job hunting. I'm hoping that getting it out here will free it from my mind, at least temporarily.


Jill said...

Wow girl - be careful. I know you are, but it makes me feel better to tell you!

How are the kids handling this? You sound like you are handling it well - that's good. I wish you lived next door to me so I could watch out for you guys!!

Maybe things will wrap up soon and you can ease your mind knowing he's in jail, knowing that he'll be "taken care of" by the other inmates!

I'd still like to kick him in the shins (and places farther up north).

Jill said...

first comment was me - just forgot to fill in the url. Sorry! :)

Helen said...

I am trying not to feel happy that his world is falling apart...but I am not succeeding. I am only worried for you and the kids so am glad that you are being vigilant.

Vickie said...

My dad did the same thing - and actually BECAME A MINISTER. They do like to play the sympathy card - don't they? And I am delighted to no end that what comes around - goes around.

and my dad gravitated toward volunteering for KID committees and activities. . .

would you be informed if he was under investigation for another crime? (I doubt you would know until he was asking to be bailed out again.) Because the other possibility is that he DID something - or they suspect he did something.

You are right to be on guard with your kids - because the walls are closing in on him.

I will be thinking of you all the time and hope that things resolve themselves very soon so that you are able to relax.

Hanlie said...

My sister in job-hunting! Good luck to you!

You're probably right that due to his reduced circumstances, the case will be heard soon. Let's hope he gets locked away, so that you and the kids can feel safe again.

Sally Parrott Ashbrook said...

Are you or your parents at all familiar with the police in your town---in a way where you could informally talk to them about what's going on? I would feel better about you and the kids knowing that the police have an inkling about what it means if you call.

Disgusting to think of Vileman around kids in any capacity. Horrifying, really.