Bruised Butt . . . Not Battered

After I posted yesterday and sent off an email, I ventured down the stairs to warm up my coffee and on the fifth step from the bottom . . . I fell down the stairs. It wasn't a movie prat fall but(t) a fall landing on my butt, legs stretched out, as if I was riding a snow saucer down a hill . . . thump, thump, thump, thump . . . thump.

It was a 4.8 on the Richter scale.

As I sat on the floor, stunned, I immediately thought "please God, don't let my butt be broken".

I got on my hands and knees and pushed myself up, though my bottom was feeling some pain, I'm pretty sure the extra padding kept the tail bone from breaking.

But(t) it still hurt.

Walking it off by pacing around the foyer, I was overcome with relief that nothing was broken and begin to laugh hysterically. The thought of going to the hospital with a broken butt would have been too embarrassing. Of course, had this been Reuben's time, I would have been a celebrity going into the hospital with a Reuben-isque broken bum. Back then, the doctors would call in nurses, interns and orderlies to admire my awesomeness of dimples, lumps and bumps . . . but(t) the reality is, I'm living in the 21st century.

The grouchy nurse, angry that a size 14/16 was staring her/him in the face, would yell down the hall for all to hear . . . "were gonna need bigger gauze!"

Also, I was relieved I wouldn't have to explain the cough syrup on my breath, as I had just had a hefty sip of Delysm 12 hour cough syrup* for a nagging cough I have had since mid December. (*I'm pretty sure Delysm doesn't make one groggy nor does it have a warning that one should not operate heavy machinery or walk down wood stairs with socks on.) Phew, no rumors of me being "under the influence" to deal with.

But(t) the moral of this story for me is this: something (the straw) did happen and it didn't break my back or butt. I survived and giggled out loud at my misstep. And once the coffee mess was cleaned up, I realized I didn't implode! I chose to carve out some relaxation time for myself.

So I made a cup of herbal tea and took the other stairs with carpet (to soften any falls).


P.S. - Very brusied but(t) not broken!

My Life in the Left Hand Turn Lane

It always seems like I am turning left, whether taking the kids to school or returning home, or running errands.

Weird.

***
The girl (6) went back to school today after missing most of last week (she went to school on Wednesday but said she felt horrible and when I picked her up after school she had a temperature of 103.8). She has missed a total of eight days already this year and I suspect today, I will get the computer generated letter telling me she has excessive absences and if she misses seven more days she will not be eligible to pass first grade.

Grrr.

I understand that the school district legally has to notify you that your child is frequently absent and passing school might be jeopardized, but . . . since school started, the nation has had a very early flu season with two flu(s) floating around!

Six ran a fever for eight straight days . . . starting on Thursday and ending the next Friday. A child could easily miss 5 to 7 days of school for each case of flu (seasonal and H1N1)! I think over 15 absent days is the cut-off, so two bouts of flu and your out!

Grrr.

And the school does not want you to send your child to school sick.

The first three days six missed happened the third week of school and I think she might have had a mild case of the H1N1 flu - fever, body aches and diarrhea. Turns out that week, she was NOT the only one home ill. The absence rate was way high compared to last year at that time.

I'm not worried about six not passing first grade because of illness/absences. She is smart. ***We interrupt this old lady rant to insert some proud parental bragging rights*** At the beginning of the school year, the teacher tested all the kids on reading and math skills -Six got a perfect score on word recognition, something the teacher in 17 years of teaching had never seen before. And six already reads the wpm required of first graders to pass to second grade. ***End of bragging.***

What I am worried about is the necessity to change the rules this school season due to the already high absences related to the two flu(s). And the flu season has just begun. Parents should be able to keep their kids home to recover and not feel pressure to get them back in school based on the absence rate. (I understand this is very hard on working parents too, because it's tough to ask off work all week or longer to care for an ill child.)

****

Favorites

Time for a less paranoid post, so I'll put away my wrinkled trench coat, but only temporarily.

A couple of weeks ago, Hanlie passed the baton on a meme - 10 secret things about yourself. I have already spilled all secrets/skeletons, etc. so I thought I would switch it up and do my current 10 favorite things:


Favorite Breakfast:
This is a recipe from the Crack/Fat Diet but I do not add any artificial sweeteners as suggested in the book:
Mix 3/4 cup of egg beaters with one individual package of plain oatmeal. Add one scoop of protein powder and more egg beaters if needed. Pour into a small omelet pan, cover and cook on low heat, when omelet set, flip over for a few minutes. Serve with low-sugar syrup or low-sugar jam/jelly.

Favorite Lunch:
Buffalo Chicken - Wingless Wrap
On a Flat-Out Wrap, spread one tablespoon of low-fat blue cheese dressing mixed with a little Frank's hot wing sauce. Layer chicken on top of the dressing. Top with shredded broccoli slaw. Roll wrap and slice in half. Serve with sliced honeycrisp apple.
This wrap is full of fiber, veggies and protein.

Favorite Relaxation Technique:
I'm a bundle of nerves these days and you will find me doing this several times throughout the day:
Get on the floor and lie on your back. Spread your arms and legs out, making an "X". Close your eyes and breathe in through your mouth and slowly exhale through your nose.

Favorite TV Guilty Pleasure:
The Rachel Zoe Project
Rachel needs to use the above relaxation technique. I swear, I can almost smell her Starbucks venti coffee breath through her permanently pinched little mouth. She also has two drama queens as style assistants: Taylor, a white haired, no eyes, grumpy gal and a male assistant stylist (I can't remember his name) who cries almost every episode.

Favorite New Fall TV Show:
Glee
Though it has a lot of adult humor, I only cringe a little when watching this fun show with 12 (who will be 13 in two weeks). Makes me want to sing and dance. And Jane Lynch's PE/Cheerleader coach trying to sabotage the Glee club because they took a small portion of her budget (she wanted a fog machine) is the funniest character in this show.

Favorite Magazine:
All You
I have only seen this magazine at Walmart. The cost is $2.49 but it has $$$'s of coupons in it (the only reason I buy it). Some coupons are for free products and there are lots of make-up coupons.

Favorite Cheap Entertainment:
Redbox rental videos!

Favorite Time Spent with 12 & 6 That Involves Spending Money:
Seeing a movie together that we all enjoy. "Up" was a wonderful movie. "G-Force" . . .not so much.

Favorite Time Spent with 12 & 6 That Involves Discussing Money:
Pig piling on the bed and talking about what we would buy if we were rich. 6 really likes this game. She loves to describe how she would decorate her room . . . horses, horses and more horses painted on the walls.

Favorite Parent Time (currently):
Watching 12 play football and making a great tackle. Watching 6 dance with the high school drill team.

Sunday's Version of AI

The last time I attended church on a regular basis was when I was in high school and my family belonged to the neighborhood United Methodist church. That was 27 years ago.

I have been going to church since the end of October and may I just say . . . church sure has changed.

Back then, the only musical instrument was the organ, though at Christmas, the bells came out.

Today, there is an organist, pianist, guitarist, two violinists (old and young), a drummer and a bass saxophone player.

Back then, one hymn was sung before the sermon and one hymn after the sermon was over. Today, five hymns/songs are sung before the preacher says a word and a sixth song afterwards.

To be fair, I'm now attending a Baptist church and not a Methodist church, though my mom swears the Methodists do a lot of singing these days too.

I don't like singing.

I cannot hold a note nor can my mother. I know this, because we have sung many duets in the car while traveling. It is sad, what we can do to a beautiful hymn like "Amazing Grace."

I swear, 16 years ago, we were driving back to Oklahoma after visiting family in Dallas, just singing our songs like Naomi and Wynonna Judd. And as we drove past pasture after pasture, cows would look up at us in my tan Honda and tilt their heads, hearing our screeching. Horses too.

Every Sunday, at my church, there is a time reserved for "special music". I like to call it "karaoke" or "American Idol" time.

There have been some questionable solos and duets performed. I sit there in a Paula Abdul stupor, biting the inside of my cheeks and thinking of homeless puppies to try and prevent escaped giggles.

After each performance, I can't help but quote in my mind the same Randy and Simon lines: "that was a bit pitch-y" or "that was terrible".

I know. I know. They are praising God and I'm making fun. I'll have to answer to Peter at the gates, I guess. But I won't be the only one. . .

Three weeks ago, I watched, as the man in front of me, giggled quietly. His large body, shaking with uncontrolled fits while a lady attempted a song, with notes that she could no longer hit.

And last week, during the special music, the man behind me let a few laughs out . . . and he is a retired preacher with a PhD in theology. Of course, afterward he clapped the loudest and proclaimed "amen" after the man was finished with his solo. I wasn't sure the "amen" was for the singer's performance or that the singer's performance was over.

But today was different.

The special music was a mother and daughter duet. And not a young mother and daughter (they were probably around 60ish and 30ish). I quickly opened my bible where I have hidden a book that I read when I get bored. (I know. I know. I'll answer to Peter. . . but it is a religious book about financial armageddon.)

They said they were going to sing a-cappella.

Shit. (I know. I know.) Biting hard on inside of cheeks.

And they sang beautifully! They had an "Oh Brother Where Art Thou" Alison Krauss-ish style. And I got tears in my eyes. It was just beautiful!

Afterwards the whole congregation clapped widely for them and I whispered to my mom, "they got nothing on us".