Those Sneaky Pounds and other things:

The morning of January 1st, I got out of bed, groaned and pulled out the Tanita hidden under the bed.

Might as well see the damage.

I had to get on and off that scale five times before I accepted the number on the read out dial . . . 167.4 pounds!

Yee Haw!!!!

Not only do those pounds sneak up on you, apparently they can sneak off too!

Haven't weighed 167 in over 6 years (which didn't last long) though, I did see a blip of 167 in November of 2007, it was only for a few hours . . .

Since losing on the Crack the Fat diet, I was maintaining around 173/174.

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I'm going to be emailing some of you with an attachment of my resume as a rich text file. I do not have Microsoft Works (only Tasks) and cannot send a doc file. Anyway, I would love, love, love any advice you might have (I promise I can handle constructive criticism) on improving my chances for getting an interview!

I have applied for many administrative assistant positions because that is where my strongest skills are but have not been able to secure interviews and I would love, love, love any feedback you might have.

Every rejection email/letter that I get has me wondering . . . why? My former supervisors have all given me great references (for the one interview I scored for a foodstamps clerk), my criminal background is clean, etc.

Any advice would be appreciated.

****
Vickie wanted to know if I cut my hair myself in the bathroom (I thought that was so funny and it gave me a much needed laugh . . . I was kind of dramatic about it!)

The girl who has cut my hair for the last year . . . had a bad day. I asked to go shorter and it looked like some weird version of the Kate (of Jon and Kate) thing . . . only ugly. So I waited three days and went to another hairdresser and asked her to just give me a pixie. Currently, my hair is as short as Jamie Lee Curtis' on those laxative yogurt commercials.

Short.

****

Week 1 Review

I started the "Crack the Fat Loss Code" diet last Sunday and other than the ham snafu, I had one small (but major) derailment.

After weighing in this morning, my weight loss for Week 1 was 6.2 pounds.

My small derailment happened Friday afternoon at the movies. I ate about 20 pieces of 6 year olds chocolate malt balls. I really don't like those things and was actually just sucking on them but once I started, I had that fat-lady can't quit thing going on (it was a very big box). I was counting them, loathing myself but thankfully, managed to finally stop.

A serving is 18 pieces with 30 plus carbs/serving.

Yikes!

On Saturday morning, the scale showed a one pound gain.

Very illuminating how "unnecessary" carbs/sugar may affect your weight, no matter how small it may seem.

Other than that, I felt it was easy to stay on plan for the whole week.

The Atkins diet has you do a two week induction period of limiting carbs to less than 20. Also, the South Beach diet's Phase I limits carbs for the first two weeks . . . so, I have decided to repeat this first cycle again this week.

I don't expect to lose another 6 pounds next week, because I realize this weight loss is water weight. I'm just giving myself a bigger loss (hopefully) before the macro cycle begins.


P.S. - I have no desire for chocolate of any form, especially dark chocolate as of yesterday. I spread four wheelbarrows of horse dookies into a plot that I plan to use for a fall vegetable garden.

It was Ham! Eeek!

Instead of driving the 35 minutes to the small/mid city grocery store, which seems like a big city grocery store with INVENTORY, I chose to go to the closer small country town (where the kids go to school) grocery store.

Both grocery stores have the same name, just small country town store doesn't carry my favorite deli meat brand "Boarshead". Nor do they stock Greek yogurt which the small/mid city store does.

Anyway, should you still be reading . . .

I asked the girl at the deli if they had low-sodium turkey breast (I know the other store does - "Boarshead" yum.) She said "no", but they had a "natural" turkey breast. So I asked her to slice up about a pound and requested that she please separate with paper every 3 ounces (the other store would not have rolled their eyes for this request . . . I know, because I have watched how customer service driven they are at that store.)

By the way, the original store is very nice - with a coffee bar and free WIFI and a large speciality deli. When I go into small/mid city for counseling, I always stop by there and pick up the hard to find items.

I ran errands two days ago in the afternoon, prior to leaving the house, I tried to put a ring on my finger but my fingers were swollen. What? I hadn't had any bloat and was losing weight!

Last night I finally realized why my "natural turkey" didn't look like turkey but was instead "smoked ham". It even said "smoked ham" on the label.

At the orthodontist on Wednesday morning, I heard one of the ladies say they were closing two of those satellite grocery stores. She mentioned small country town as one of the stores expected to shut down.

I think that would be tragic and I hope the company doesn't shut it down because that would leave only Super Wallys for the townfolk to shop at.

Small country town store just needs to improve on inventory because the town is expected to grow and has already seen a growth of 50% in the last 10 years.

Small country town is growing, thanks to their school district. Three of the four schools (the high school, the middle school and the 3rd/4th grade campus) all received exemplary ratings (the highest ratings awarded Texas schools). The junior high earned recognized - (the second highest rating). Also, the high school (a little less than 1,000 students) had zero dropouts for the school year 2008/2009.

That is incredible and I have vowed to do whatever it takes to keep the kids in this school district.

***

Wow - what a tangent!

Anyway, I'm taking the kids to small/mid city today to try, once again, to get the 12 year old new tennis shoes (he was a little pain in the booty on Wednesday - the first attempt) and to go to the movies. Since we will be by the original good store, I plan to stop in for the "low-sodium turkey breast" deli meat. I'll just have to bring a cooler to store it in.

I'll be back to post on Sunday about the first week of Cycle 1 in the Crack the Fat Loss Code diet. Until then, hope you all have a great weekend.

Fear Snacking Factor

You remember in January, the divorce was finalized and I was doing too much giddy eating? Well, eventually that giddiness snacking was replaced by fear snacking.

Fear snacking?

Yep.

I kept snacking when full and just couldn't place what was wrong, and I knew something had to be bothering me or why would I be over-eating?

It was fear of what the future held for the kids and I. Fear that vileman will be acquitted. Fear that he will then show-up demanding to see the kids. Fear that his guilty verdict will make this city's paper (they always print vile peoples sentences from around the state in this mid-small newspaper). Fear that I might have to testify at his trial - something I do not want to do because I had nothing to do with his decisions or that lifestyle that he lived behind my back. DO NOT want to be dragged into his ugliness. Fear that when he serves his sentence, he will show up wherever my doorstep will be. Fear I will always be looking over my shoulder for him.

Vileman keeps getting continued by agreements - his trial has now been pushed back to late September. Very aggravating to me because I'm ready to exit this transitional phase.

Quieting the fears without food:

Acquittal is probably highly unlikely.

Should an acquittal happen, he will not be able to just show up - the kids have the backing of counselors who know and will testify that it would not be in the best interest of the children to visit with him.

I will not have to testify because he did all that ugliness when he should have been at work. If it was in the off-hours, it was because he called home and said he had to work late or left his keys at the office or my favorite excuse "I forgot I drove to work and rode the bus home - so I just stayed on the bus and went back downtown."

If I do have to testify, I will be confident and not allow attorneys to frustrate me. I will take my time and think out each question prior to a "yes" or "no" answer.

I will not let "what is going to happen when vileman gets out of jail" paralyze me. The kids and I need to live our lives for today.

Phew.

To counter-act the 10 pounds gained from "snacking", I got on the Crack the Fat-Loss Code diet. Started on Sunday and this morning my weight-loss was at 5 pounds. Woo Hoo!

One Sliver of Pie at a Time, Lady

One scary thought running through my brain recently, has been this:

I went through a life-altering, stress filled year and I only managed to LOSE LESS THAN 15 POUNDS!!!!!!!!

Not only that, half of those pounds have crept back on, thanks to giddiness. Grrr.

So, back to doing what worked in the past:

• Eat healthier (the Dash diet worked when I lost 30 pounds in the past)
• Smaller portions
• Drink at least 8 glasses of water each day
• Keep a food journal
• Take vitamins
• Walk at least 5 times a week
• Weight training 3 times a week
• Yoga
• Meditation - quiet time
• Setting goals
• Weekly weigh-in

Put all the above into a pie chart with each representing a slice of pie. Some slices might be cut into slivers, for instance: Eat healthier would include only lean protein, high fiber, 8 to 10 vegetables per day, whole grains only, etc.

In the past, I tried to consume the whole pie on day one, which only set me up to fail. Now that I'm older and wiser, I have portioned out a few slivers for this week and when those are mastered, I will add a few more slivers.

Goals (slivers) for this week:

• Writing down everything I eat in a notebook (no calorie counting)
• Walk at least 3 times
• Drink 4 glasses of water per day
• Take my vitamins

In two days, I have already identified a bad habit - eating 6 year old's leftovers (by the way, 5 year old is now 6). I am not a human garbage disposal and I wasn't aware I was doing this until I started writing it down.

In the meantime, I have been re-reading my favorite diet books - not for a diet plan - but for tips and reading all your blogs for motivation.

Have a great day.

Finding Inspiration from 12 Y/O

First, thank you all for your nice and supportive comments. The vileness of the situation is not only embarrassing - though I know we have nothing to be embarrassed about because of his actions; but also, I feel I will always be judged, as in "how could she not have known?"

The vileman was in expert in compartmentalizing. Knowing when to be "family man" and when to be "vileman". I had my suspicions, but no proof. Thankfully, he ran out of luck and was caught.

Up until I started this new blog, only my family and a few of my friends knew about our situation. I have waited seven months to start blogging the truth.

Due to the embarrassment factor, I chose to move the children and myself to my parents' house. New town and new schools where no one has to know about vileman.

***

Last spring, I purchased new shorts for 12 Y/O (who was 11 at that time), all of them a size 12. None of them fit - too tight. He went from a size boys 10 to 14, skipping size 12. He was in no way chubby or husky or plump.

Anyway, this past summer I noticed his belly was poochy and even saw a few cellulite patches. We of course, had a traumatic summer where we fled away from our home, the neighborhood swimming pool, greenbelt trails and a YMCA membership. So I was hoping he wouldn't be the new "fat" kid by the time school started. I think he might have weighed 110 pounds by the end of August and at 5 foot even, that is still no where near being fat. I was just worried about the belly unfitness (my problem).

School starts and up here, the kids have PE more than twice a week. And "coach" is lazy. He just looks like a former high school athlete who drank one too many beers. But he makes the kids run laps, do sit-ups and push ups.

Add karate lessons twice a week, by Thanksgiving, 12 Y/O had the makings of a six pack (I have a pony keg). His biceps and triceps have definition, thanks to those knuckle push-ups and planks.

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed his jeans were baggy (size boys 14's) and asked him to get on the scale.

101.4 pounds.


All I could think: "I sure wished I had started doing what he was doing back at the end of August."

Now is my chance.

Start today.

And in six months, I'm going to be telling myself "I'm so glad I finally started."

Vacation Is Over (Not that I was on vacation ...)

January the first, came and went for me with nary a thought about diet or exercise. And I have to tell you, that was nice not fretting about health changes for the new year.

Since January 1997, I have been a yo-yo dieter. Every year, around December 30th, I would start thinking about meal plans and exercise schedules, promising myself "this is the year . . ."

January 2009 came around, and the only thing on my mind was my divorce date on the 6th.

I was so giddy that January day, driving the four hour commute home, after being in court all day long. I stopped at McD's to go to the ladies room (it was a four hour drive!). And since I was already there, I thought I had better have me some supper. Instead of ordering a small plain hamburger, I celebrated with a Big Mac.

Being giddy also gave me an awful sweet tooth. I have been very giddy for 16 straight days.

Prior to the giddiness, I was maintaining around 170 to 173 pounds. And I did have a very joyful Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years.

Thirty-five days of joyfulness followed by 16 days of giddiness begets a fat ass.

Alas, time to start thinking about those meal plans and exercise schedules . . .