tick tick tick tick tick tick tick . . . . . .

The waiting is the hardest part.

Thursday and Friday, were horrible eating days. The worst of the year and possibly the last few years.

I was running around gathering information and making copies and the stress of it all (plus the dreaded first day of lady cycle) had me incorporating an old habit . . .something I haven't done in several years . . .

I invited an old companion to accompany me. Her name is "Little Debbie" and she supplied the zebra cakes.

After I inhaled the package of two small nonfood items, I realized I hadn't even tasted them. So I pulled out a second package of two and ate them slower. (Bringing my calorie content to around 900 for four individual zebra cakes.

By the way, they were not tasty.

When I got to my destination, I threw the box away for fear I would consume the entire contents, trying desparately to remember why they (the cakes) brought me comfort a few years ago.

The magic wasn't rekindled.

Friday, I failed to eat breakfast and realized it was already time to pick up the kids from school and I hadn't eaten anything all day. I was wired from too much coffee.

Thank goodness I have the snack bag in the car for the kids (which has never bothered me or triggered any binges).

Two individual bags of goldfish crackers later, I was now craving carbs.

Made the kids witches broomstick breadsticks (from pizza dough) when we got home. I ate mine with butter.

***

I know it might not sound so bad or be considered a binge in some peoples' book but it isn't really about the food. It's how I handled the stress. It was handled destructively. And not just one off day but two. And we all know that if it isn't nipped in the bud, two bad days can equal a week and so on . . . until you weigh more than you have ever weighed.


This morning I had a boiled egg and a sliced apple first thing.

My face and fingers feel and look puffy.

I think my best course of dealing with the upcoming issue is to eat healthy, get plenty of water, exercise and wait it out like a human. Not a zombie feasting on anything that moves past me.

Week 5 Oh the Joys of Peri-menopause

I'm up 1.8 pounds and I know it is water retention from my carb-up day on Saturday. No binge, but I did share a bag of microwave popcorn with 6 while watching "Hannah Montana the movie".

I sprinkled my bowl with a little dry ranch seasoning and some Parmesan cheese. A wee bit too salty.

Sunday morning, my lady cycle showed up . . . again. She has become very unpredictable these days, showing up sometimes every couple of weeks or not showing up for three months. I just never know.

Hence the salt craving and the reason the crazy lady was practically licking the empty popcorn bowl.

And the grumpies are here too.

I'm looking forward to the end of the week already.

Snap Out of It!

So week three (cycle 2 for me), I ended up with no weight loss. In fact, by Wednesday morning, after my first two carb-down days, I was up 2 pounds.

This irritates me, because I have followed the plan with no slip-ups. Thankfully, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, all showed weight-losses, bringing me back to last weeks weight loss total of 8 pounds.

This past weeks results made me grumpy. I mumbled under my breath about quiting and returning to counting calories and eating WHATEVER I WANTED as long as I didn't exceed 1400 calories. I mumbled some more that I used to lose at least 2 pounds a week doing it that way.

Then, I decided that losing 8 pounds in three weeks wasn't too shabby and remembered that I haven't counted calories in a very, very long time. Also, this diet has seriously nipped my carbohydrate and sweet tooth cravings. A very good thing.

Saturday evening, I started walking again. I'm hoping that the cardio will shake things up a little bit this week and by next Monday, I will see a weight loss for the week.

It was Ham! Eeek!

Instead of driving the 35 minutes to the small/mid city grocery store, which seems like a big city grocery store with INVENTORY, I chose to go to the closer small country town (where the kids go to school) grocery store.

Both grocery stores have the same name, just small country town store doesn't carry my favorite deli meat brand "Boarshead". Nor do they stock Greek yogurt which the small/mid city store does.

Anyway, should you still be reading . . .

I asked the girl at the deli if they had low-sodium turkey breast (I know the other store does - "Boarshead" yum.) She said "no", but they had a "natural" turkey breast. So I asked her to slice up about a pound and requested that she please separate with paper every 3 ounces (the other store would not have rolled their eyes for this request . . . I know, because I have watched how customer service driven they are at that store.)

By the way, the original store is very nice - with a coffee bar and free WIFI and a large speciality deli. When I go into small/mid city for counseling, I always stop by there and pick up the hard to find items.

I ran errands two days ago in the afternoon, prior to leaving the house, I tried to put a ring on my finger but my fingers were swollen. What? I hadn't had any bloat and was losing weight!

Last night I finally realized why my "natural turkey" didn't look like turkey but was instead "smoked ham". It even said "smoked ham" on the label.

At the orthodontist on Wednesday morning, I heard one of the ladies say they were closing two of those satellite grocery stores. She mentioned small country town as one of the stores expected to shut down.

I think that would be tragic and I hope the company doesn't shut it down because that would leave only Super Wallys for the townfolk to shop at.

Small country town store just needs to improve on inventory because the town is expected to grow and has already seen a growth of 50% in the last 10 years.

Small country town is growing, thanks to their school district. Three of the four schools (the high school, the middle school and the 3rd/4th grade campus) all received exemplary ratings (the highest ratings awarded Texas schools). The junior high earned recognized - (the second highest rating). Also, the high school (a little less than 1,000 students) had zero dropouts for the school year 2008/2009.

That is incredible and I have vowed to do whatever it takes to keep the kids in this school district.

***

Wow - what a tangent!

Anyway, I'm taking the kids to small/mid city today to try, once again, to get the 12 year old new tennis shoes (he was a little pain in the booty on Wednesday - the first attempt) and to go to the movies. Since we will be by the original good store, I plan to stop in for the "low-sodium turkey breast" deli meat. I'll just have to bring a cooler to store it in.

I'll be back to post on Sunday about the first week of Cycle 1 in the Crack the Fat Loss Code diet. Until then, hope you all have a great weekend.

Fear Snacking Factor

You remember in January, the divorce was finalized and I was doing too much giddy eating? Well, eventually that giddiness snacking was replaced by fear snacking.

Fear snacking?

Yep.

I kept snacking when full and just couldn't place what was wrong, and I knew something had to be bothering me or why would I be over-eating?

It was fear of what the future held for the kids and I. Fear that vileman will be acquitted. Fear that he will then show-up demanding to see the kids. Fear that his guilty verdict will make this city's paper (they always print vile peoples sentences from around the state in this mid-small newspaper). Fear that I might have to testify at his trial - something I do not want to do because I had nothing to do with his decisions or that lifestyle that he lived behind my back. DO NOT want to be dragged into his ugliness. Fear that when he serves his sentence, he will show up wherever my doorstep will be. Fear I will always be looking over my shoulder for him.

Vileman keeps getting continued by agreements - his trial has now been pushed back to late September. Very aggravating to me because I'm ready to exit this transitional phase.

Quieting the fears without food:

Acquittal is probably highly unlikely.

Should an acquittal happen, he will not be able to just show up - the kids have the backing of counselors who know and will testify that it would not be in the best interest of the children to visit with him.

I will not have to testify because he did all that ugliness when he should have been at work. If it was in the off-hours, it was because he called home and said he had to work late or left his keys at the office or my favorite excuse "I forgot I drove to work and rode the bus home - so I just stayed on the bus and went back downtown."

If I do have to testify, I will be confident and not allow attorneys to frustrate me. I will take my time and think out each question prior to a "yes" or "no" answer.

I will not let "what is going to happen when vileman gets out of jail" paralyze me. The kids and I need to live our lives for today.

Phew.

To counter-act the 10 pounds gained from "snacking", I got on the Crack the Fat-Loss Code diet. Started on Sunday and this morning my weight-loss was at 5 pounds. Woo Hoo!

Coffee

I've gone cold-turkey on caffeine (mostly coffee).

Woke up this morning at 4:22 and my head felt like it was going to explode . . . (grits teeth) I can do this.

I chose to quit coffee because that is all I drink. Coffee in the morning, coffee again in the late morning and coffee at 2:00 pm!

It had become a problem.

I cannot wean myself off the stuff, so it is best to just go cold-turkey.

I feel like shit and it is only day two! I know from past experience it gets worse as the week goes on.

I'll be white knuckling it.

These Pretzels are Making Me Crazy

If you recall from the old days, I loved pretzel rods. Yet, I couldn't eat just one serving, it was more like half a bag in one sitting. So I gave them up.

Until the fall of 2008.

Wally's makes a brand that is quite tasty and cheap. So I purchased a bag and a jug of Clamato juice.

Several times during the week around 9:00 pm, the 12 Y/O and I would go downstairs and watch television. Sunday night was "The Unit"; Monday night the Christian Slater show that got cancelled, and Thursday was "Life on Mars".

Out came the bag of pretzels and a glass of Clamato juice.

And I had control. I would eat around five pretzel rods which equalled around 200 calories plus an additional 50 calories for the juice.

Since I rarely ate three meals a day, that usually was my dinner.

For three months, I showed a little control. I ate them slowly while sipping on my tomato juice. (Pretzels and tomato/clamato juice are a very nice combination.)

Well joyfulness and giddiness appeared and all of a sudden, a bag that would last me almost two weeks, was gone in two days.

Naturally, my pants started feeling tighter.

So, I had to banish them . . . again.

Dang.